Successful Adoptive Parents

"What are the requirements to adopt?" is one of the most commonly asked questions by those considering adoption.

Just what does it take to parent a child who has been in the foster care system, a child who will bring with him/her certain behavioral, emotional, or developmental challenges? What qualities should adoptive parents strive to develop in order to equip themselves for this enormous task?

Readiness for Parenting

To begin, adoptive applicants should evaluate their level of readiness for parenthood in general. The basic requirements include emotional maturity, stability, adequate health and energy, good communication and problem solving skills and the ability to adjust one's expectations. Another key ingredient is sound motivation. Becoming a parent in order to feel loved or fulfilled, to win approval, or to improve a faltering marriage, are never good reasons for bringing any child into the home, either through birth or through adoption.

Readiness for Parenting through Adoption

Next, the prospective adoptive parent needs to look at his or her ability to parent a child through adoption, as adoptive parenting has some important differences, along with its many similarities, to parenting by birth. Is the parent able to accept, to cherish, and to make a permanent commitment to a child not born to him or her? Can the parent accept the child's past? All adoptive children have a set of parents, and a genetic and family history that is separate from the adoptive family's. In addition, older children often bring with them memories of their time spent with their birth family. Can the adoptive parent accept these aspects of the child, while honoring a child's loyalty to his or her birth family or perhaps to a previous foster family? Finally, if infertility or loss of a child has been a part of the adoptive parent's history, has it been adequately dealt with and put to rest? Few experiences can be more detrimental to a child than to be placed adoptively with a parent who is still grieving the loss of either an actual or a fantasized birth child.

Special Qualities for Parents of Special Children

The parent of an adopted child with special needs should be aware of several additional assets commonly found in successful adoptive parents. Few families will possess all these qualities, but motivated parents can work towards developing them. These qualities are:

• A Sense of Humor. The ability to laugh at oneself, at the world, and at a child's antics is a great boost in facing the enormous challenges our children bring. This does not mean that all adoptive parents are great humorists, but parents who take every little thing very seriously often get into trouble parenting children with challenging behaviors. Laughter is often the best medicine, and a sense of humor is a survival tool.




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